Has Paul Kagame Been Poisoned

According to a report dispatched by our Peeping Tom, Paul Kagame spent last night crawling on the floor of the toilet and making strange wailing sounds like that of a Cat that has been shut-out by its owner.

The Man who was voted to power by 99% of Rwandans, was by himself wrapped in a diaper(Nappies) with no member of his family or friend around by his side. The floor was all dirty….(details saved)

The heartless Jeannette Nyiramongi, was know were to be seen-but according to our peeping Tom, she left the family home after midnight dressed in a very short dress and a big bag.

Our Paparazzo confirmed this, as she was last seen changing into a different car around 1:16 Am in Biryogo(Kigali Slums) notorious area. We know what she was up too, and we will bring you those Pics.

Getting back to Paul Kagame’s crawling and spending the entire night in the toilet- its something he always does. For those that don’t know him, whenever some dirty plan goes wrong, his big intestine starts shaking and eventually resulting into diarrhea. The sight of him can be very pathetic, and if you have a humanitarian heart, you can easily cry.

The big plan that went wrong this time, was to blow-up the Tanzanian presidential plane while landing at Entebbe airport for the 15th East African Community summit.The plan was leaked to the Tanzanian Military Intelligence, and the leader changed plans and instead flew-in, the following day unexpected.

By President Jakaya Kikwete turning-up very alive after keeping away from the several East African Community meetings, that triggered Kagame’s diarrhea.

As caring people, we advise Paul Kagame to eat the following foods as they will help him feel better; Butter, Soft cheese, such as ricotta or cottage cheese and  Ice cream Milk

Gas-Producing Foods-this is very good for your arse that has suffered for the last few days- it will cool it down;Beans,Broccoli,Cabbage,Cauliflower,Onions and Peas

The team concluded that Kagame has not been poisoned, but neglected by those close to him as they can see the writing on the wall; THE FORMER DICTATOR OF RWANDA WAS KILLED BY HIS GUARDS …