How Thieves Stole Money From Paul Kagame

When we listened to Paul Kagame’s financial report during the address to the nation-those that understand commonsense economics,can agree with us that those figures were terribly cooked-up.
It sounded more like one of those dictatorial schemes aimed at humiliating and degrading Banyarwanda. i.e. Ndi Umunyarwanda, Ikigega Agaciro-Fund, Gusaba Imbabazi, Ngwino urebe, etc.This one is called Umubare-imibare.

The lack of skills to forecast Economic performance was all written in his guilty face. Thus, he was like a thief trying to sell rotten tomatoes to old ladies. Though we’re not saying that we’ve ever bought into Kagame’s YoYo hyped economic growth, but whatever integrity had survived in the economic reporting system, disappeared during that pathetic address.

However, you would expect for any sane person reporting great financial News, to sound jolly happy and motivated but not. The dictator sounded sad like someone that had swallowed a dirty piece of soap, and also fearing to look at the audience-unbelievable that nyakubahwa Pilato has decided to become shy…all of a sudden. We had to investigate…

However, our Peeping Tom gave us an insight of what happened; Ehh.. nibyo, databuja abajura bibye amadolari ye, miriyoni eshatu.
” Yeah, its true thieves stole 3 million dollars from the Boss.”

It all begun when some thick girl within Kagame’s household, agreed to type-in Pin details of Debit Cards into the phone keypad as the Bank needed to analyse the chips and block them. This was due to a number of fraudulent transactions on the account since midnight. Someone pretending to be from their bank had phoned them. Because of Kagame’s house being a hub of semi-illiterates, the girl called Papa and he immediately gave a clearance with no hesitation-saying that the girl was acting very responsible, and he was very proud of her. The Abaswere(thieves), had no problem to help themselves on free money that had been handed to them by a stupid daughter and her father.

The sad news was first relayed to Jeannet Nyiramongi when the bank contacted her apologising that, they were able to transfer the whole amount, but due to shortage of staff, it took 20 minutes to process the transaction as requested. She begun to scream, that how could Paulo transfer their money without notifying her first….

Our Peeping Tom confirmed that he left the family home barely six hours from South Africa with 16 heavily armed escorts and also carrying an Ak47 assault rifle.

With confiscated warehouses scattered around the country, Criminal Paul Kagame had no problem where to isolate his wounded ego.
We know how Rwanda Patriotic Front thieves behave, when they’re played by a better thief. They tend to go into isolation;

They tend to hate everyone around them-they feel ashamed, dirty and abused. In-fact they’ll keep whispering to themselves…Not fair…not fair…, but how..not possible!

He returned after two days and decided that he was to make an address to the nation.

Nyiramongi was all dressed-up in black…she asked, M’ubafashe? Oya, lakini tunawajuwa! Replied wounded Paul Kagame.
She then went into a trance of wailing while slapping her chest…imandwa ryangombe…imandwa ryangombe…imandwa ryangombe…twakoze iki? During that fictitious drama, our people managed to change all hidden cameras. We expect to get great pictures and audio.

We still have to investigate and find out what really happened as we have a sketchy picture that involves five countries. This also means that the amount could be over 3 million US dollars.